I haven't blogged in quite a while. I just have no focus. Especially when it comes to dealing with my food addiction. My husband is getting distressed about the weight gain and not losing. He is also distressed about the health issues I am causing myself. Anytime I try to start on a path of self correction my behavior sabatoges it. It is like deep down I don't want to get better. How can that be?
Today I started reading "A Course in Weight Loss" by Marianne Williamson. Hopefully I can stick with it. The first few pages already hit home. When you have been abused physical or emotion (I have both), you have FEAR and can become a compulsive overeater or a food addict. That is me. Here are some of my notes on what I have learned so far. Prayer and Meditation allow us to access our inner wisdom more intentionally. Hmmm.
Fear is insane, destructive, violent, disease producing, lacking, perverting your true nature.
Addiction is self destructive behavior over which their conscious mind has little or no self control.
Can I place my problems in the hands of God? Am I willing to consider the possibility that God can outwit my insanity?
So for this moment - Dear God, please help me to continue on a path of self healing. Amen