Tuesday, June 23, 2015

June 23 2015

It is Tuesday.  I am going to weigh in at WW today.  Last week I was down a total of 8 lbs.  Lost 2 of them that week.  One pound was probably due to my clothes.  It is hot here and I switched from jeans to capri pants.  I had a bad week so I expect to gain.  I don't know what is wrong in my head that makes me sabotage myself.  I can even tell when I am doing it and I don't stop.  According to OA I am not giving it up to my higher power.  This is very true.  I don't rely or trust anyone.  I put that blame on my mother for her insanity when I was a child and never knowing when the hammer was going to fall or how many times a day it would fall.

I spoke with my sister last night because she struggles with food issues and depression as I do.  I mentioned that as I get older I see myself becoming more like mother is now.  Just sitting and doing nothing.  I just read or cross stitch.  I am even finding it hard to pay bills and balance the check book.  Things that use to bring me pleasure.  (I know kind of weird too)  But one of the things I wanted to mention to my sister today was that sitting still I think has a lot to do with the pain.  Mother, me and my sister are in a lot of pain.  Arthritis pain is a big part.  But I wonder if we don't have a chronic pain syndrome of some sorts too.

Another thought that I wanted to express to my sister was heritage.  Our grandmother and her brother were skinny people.  But their 4 or 5 sisters were short and rotund.  Roly poly.  We are built exactly like them.  I believe mother was a compulsive eater too.  She was a very heavy smoker so she did that more than eat but she would get up in the middle of the night and snack.  Dad use to tease her about it.  But she never gained weight.  So while she criticized us for being overweight she had the same behavior. She was just lucky about her size.

OA's For Today - says A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a Hercules.
This tells me that we should attempt to put a small daily task into our routine.  One step at a time as they say.

I have lost my spiritual path too.  I haven't lost my faith, I just don't read and study the Bible like I use too.  A couple weeks ago I started listing to the Bible study meeting and the Sunday worship on the phone.  This last Sunday I managed to get out and go to Sunday worship.  It is so blasted hot/humid here that I avoid going outside as much as possible.  When I lived in the Midwest, I sat outside all the time and enjoyed life.  I digress, my point is I am trying to find my spiritual path again.  I had much happiness when I was on that path. 

Can't put too many new things into one day or week or it will overwhelm me and my brain will shut me and my body down.

Thank you for visiting my blog.

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