Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Wed 7/15/15

Yesterday wasn't too bad of a food day but I can't call it an abstinent day, so starting again today.  Got my food planned out.  My sister is trying to drink a gallon of water a day and I know from years and years of weight loss programs that drinking lots of water helps.  Yuk!  So I have made some ice tea hoping to get my liquid intake up today at work.

I mentioned yesterday that I was reading the book "The Middlesteins".  I will try not to give away the whole book but it is basically about a woman that shovels food in all day and part of the night.  Some of it was a little too close to home for me.  The story was so depressing and I kept thinking, "I hope there is a happy ending or some revelation".  The only think that made me say "HUH!" was near the end when the woman's skinny husband has an eating binge and he is stunned at his need and can't stop.  He thinks, this what his wife must have been feeling.  Then he says to himself, "Food is a wonder place to hide".  WOW moment for me.   I had gained a little bit when I moved on my own in the 70's.  I was right out of high school and on my own and it was scary.   I started to eat too much when married to my first and  horrible husband.  It was a coping mechanism for being in hell.  But when I left him and filed for divorce things got so ugly and I started the binge eating and fast food drive-bys like a crazy person.  I gained a ton of weight,  Food, indeed, is a wonderful place to hide.  Now to figure out if I am still hiding and from what or is eating now just a bad habit.  I really have nothing to hide from so I need to break this cycle.  Trying to really focus in on OA this week.

OA Today: The truth shall set you free
That is a quote from the Bible that has to do with the truth of God's Word but it can be applied to other things.  A food addiction is a fact, like your height.  In recognizing that truth, I am able to admit I am powerless over food, give up my will (to God) and become free.  
For Today: It is not a disgrace or a weakness to admit my powerlessness over food.  That is an idea that has nothing to do with the truth.

OA Voices of Recovery: Today, no more beating myself up by planning disagreeable food to punish myself.  My self esteem depends upon me being able to make and keep my commitments.

I hope to make it through today with these thoughts.

Started a new book to pleasure read today,  Top Secret Twenty-One by Janet Evanovich.  Decided to go to something light-hearted.  I should keep track of what I finish reading.  I read a couple of books a week.  I think I might be stunned by the list at the end of a year.

Stitched a little bit on my fox last night.  His head is almost done. I must be holding my arm funny, it is starting to hurt.

Have a great abstinent day.

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