Last week was a horrible week and I should have reached out to someone instead of wallowing in whatever it was that I was wallowing in. I ate badly all week. I didn't binge like I have in the past but I did not make good choices. I sabotaged myself like I always do.
This is such a small thing in the scope of all the real problems people have. There are only 4 people in my office. That includes me. 2 of them were gone last week so it was just me and M. She is so hard to deal with. If there were 20 of us in the office I would just do what I could to avoid her. Her cube is next to mine. She talks constantly. She has done everything, she has an opinion on everything and she is always right. She is a bigot too. No one is off limits to her bigotry. She has something against every group of people. Once I tried to call her on it. She had made a derogatory remark about firemen not being able to make smart decisions. It burned with me all night so I confronted her by email. She came to me and apologized but yet she turned it around that I misunderstood. I did not. So last week I think she insulted Jews, factory workers, blacks, hispanics, Texans and Canadians. In an office this small I am not comfortable standing up for all the people in the world. It would be too exhausting. So instead, I just got more and more depressed as the week went on. I didn't get to listen to my OA meetings and that made me sad too. OMGosh, I am embarrassed at how I can allow another person to affect me so badly. I think she is like my mother and that in itself probably helps to paralyze me from dealing with her.
I started this week by saying good-bye to my husband. He is on assignment for work. He is the United States this time so that is good but he still has to carry a gun so there is always danger. Everyone is back at work so M won't be blabbing constantly. She holds back when the boss is there. Lots of things I want to accomplish with my honey gone. Mostly I want to achieve abstinence again.
I am hoping to get myself on track this week. What I took from today's OA meetings was rely on God for everything. Turn everything over to him. The Bible says do not rely upon your own understanding and that is what a OA member brought out today. She said she needs to rely on God and not herself because relying on herself had gotten her to this unhealthy place. How true!
I finished my cross stitch fox for my niece. I will have a picture at the end of the month. I am going to start on an owl for another niece and I have 2 ideas for my other 2 nieces that I haven't fully gotten planned yet.
I think I read 3 books last week by Debbie Macomber. Easy reads. This week I am reading The Whistling Season.