Tuesday, September 15, 2015

9/15/15 Emotional Roller Coaster

Hi Everyone,

What a crazy emotional roller coaster I have been on for the last few days.  Some back story, In May I tripped on the streets of DC and really hurt my right leg. One day while I was recovering and favoring my right leg the escalator at the Metro was not working and so I was walking down the escalator stairs.  I felt a pain rip through my left upper thigh.  In June I knew something was wrong with my hip.  I had a doctor appointment for something else so I mentioned my hip hurt so much.  My doctor told me it wasn't my hip but a groin injury and it would take a long time to heal. They took X-rays and said I did have arthritis in my hips. (that's nothing new, I have arthritis everywhere) Well by the time August came around the pain wasn't better but worse.  At times I couldn't even stand up from a sitting position.  My husband threw a hissy fit so I made an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. On Friday that doctor told me I needed a hip replacement.  So I cried and felt sorry for myself.  But the range of motion test he did on my leg has made my pain so intense that I was coming to grips with the idea of surgery.  Anything to relieve this pain.  I cannot go from a sitting to a standing position without intense pain.

Okay, now for the humiliating part.  I went to see the orthopedic surgeon Monday.  I cannot have surgery as I weigh too much.  I am going for a cortisone shot for temporary relief.   I am so embarrassed and humiliated. I had to talk to my husband and tell him.   This is usually where my eating for comfort comes in.  I stayed on my food plan yesterday despite this news!

I have been avoiding weight watchers for the last couple weeks.  I am going to go weigh in today.  I have to do this.  I have to get my weight down.  So back I go.  I am still listening to OA meetings.  I am looking for an OA sponsor to work with me too.  Getting the weight down will possibly lessen some of this pain too.

My husband is traveling for work so I had my conversation with him over the phone.  I wasn't truly honest.  I never came out and said I am too fat.  It's not like he doesn't know but I just couldn't say it out loud to him.  But we talked about our food choices and he has put on a bunch of weight too.  So we talked about eating better and to stop snacking. I am going to start riding my stupid exercise bike too. So it was a good conversation.

I am working my goals this week.  I went to Sunday worship.  I am going to Bible study tonight.  I am going to Weight Watchers today.  I am praying for abstinence from over eating.

Today I am grateful for my husband, my family and my job.  I am grateful for the painful eye opening I got yesterday.

Thank you for listening.


  1. You can do this! I will be right here anytime you need me. Love you!

  2. Sometimes it takes something like this to smack us in the head to get rolling. I have bad knees and bad back and wonder if the extra weight I'm hefting around has something to do with it. I'm afraid the doc would tell me the same thing-you gotta lose weight! So I'm back on WW too. Ugh. Take care and know you've got company :)

  3. What a roller coaster you are living in !
    I hope you find the will power to get out of this roller coaster and loose the weight so you can have the surgery and will have a lott less pain.
    I hope you will get some help and support from close friends so you dont feel lonely on your weight loss tripp.
    Look forward to read step by step how you get out of this roller coaster
    You only can make this happen so please be strong !
    Love and a big hug from Esmeralda

    1. Thank you again for the necklace, I love it. You have made me feel special.