What a crazy emotional roller coaster I have been on for the last few days. Some back story, In May I tripped on the streets of DC and really hurt my right leg. One day while I was recovering and favoring my right leg the escalator at the Metro was not working and so I was walking down the escalator stairs. I felt a pain rip through my left upper thigh. In June I knew something was wrong with my hip. I had a doctor appointment for something else so I mentioned my hip hurt so much. My doctor told me it wasn't my hip but a groin injury and it would take a long time to heal. They took X-rays and said I did have arthritis in my hips. (that's nothing new, I have arthritis everywhere) Well by the time August came around the pain wasn't better but worse. At times I couldn't even stand up from a sitting position. My husband threw a hissy fit so I made an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. On Friday that doctor told me I needed a hip replacement. So I cried and felt sorry for myself. But the range of motion test he did on my leg has made my pain so intense that I was coming to grips with the idea of surgery. Anything to relieve this pain. I cannot go from a sitting to a standing position without intense pain.
Okay, now for the humiliating part. I went to see the orthopedic surgeon Monday. I cannot have surgery as I weigh too much. I am going for a cortisone shot for temporary relief. I am so embarrassed and humiliated. I had to talk to my husband and tell him. This is usually where my eating for comfort comes in. I stayed on my food plan yesterday despite this news!
I have been avoiding weight watchers for the last couple weeks. I am going to go weigh in today. I have to do this. I have to get my weight down. So back I go. I am still listening to OA meetings. I am looking for an OA sponsor to work with me too. Getting the weight down will possibly lessen some of this pain too.
My husband is traveling for work so I had my conversation with him over the phone. I wasn't truly honest. I never came out and said I am too fat. It's not like he doesn't know but I just couldn't say it out loud to him. But we talked about our food choices and he has put on a bunch of weight too. So we talked about eating better and to stop snacking. I am going to start riding my stupid exercise bike too. So it was a good conversation.
I am working my goals this week. I went to Sunday worship. I am going to Bible study tonight. I am going to Weight Watchers today. I am praying for abstinence from over eating.
Today I am grateful for my husband, my family and my job. I am grateful for the painful eye opening I got yesterday.
Thank you for listening.