Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Everyday is a struggle 6/30/15

People that don't have weight issues or addictive problems have no idea what a struggle food can be.  Everyday is a struggle.  Today's OA phone meeting the message I got was  - one day at a time.  Don't live in the past or the future.  Both of those are a problem for me.  I have always daydreamed.  Always thinking of a better life in the future.  I also relive bad things from the past.  I have been divorced for 7 years now and live 900 miles away from "him" and I still have nightmares.

Yesterday my boss took us out to lunch.  I tried to do the "eat only half".  I ordered a spicy lamb burger.  It was yummy.  Ate the whole thing but I didn't eat the bun.  Asked to not have the fries.  It was a greek restaurant so I had 3/4 of a spanakopada.  That is totally not how you spell it or say it.   But then for dessert, 2 small scoops of vanilla ice cream.  Ate it all.  No surprise there. Somethings there is just no control over.

I am suppose to weigh in today but I am going to skip it and try to gain control of today.  I will weigh in tomorrow.

I was so tired when I got home yesterday.  I was in bed by 8:00.  Hoping for a better day.

For today, I dug out my OA food journal.  Will see if I can work on that today.  One day at a time.

Monday, June 29, 2015

Monday 6/29/15

Not a very good week food ways.  Last week I got a lot of free offers emailed to me because of my birth date.  Free Cookie from Pot Bellies, Free drink for Starbucks, Free bowl from Noodles and Co. etc.  There is something in my brain waves (maybe comes from growing up poor) that says you can't pass on free stuff.  Needless to say, it was a bad food week.

I tried to do a "challenge yourself" with my sister.  It was to eat half of what you normally would and exercise for 10 minutes.  I did good on some of the days but by Friday I was out of sync.  I had a doctor appointment at 10:00am on Friday that I had to fast for.  So by the time it was over I was famished.  I didn't eat very much for lunch but that snack I had was too much.  I did find out that I have arthritis in my hips but the pain I have is from a pulled muscle and I need to get the inflammation down and take it easy.   So that blew apart riding my exercise bike.  It doesn't take much for me to find a reason NOT to exercise.

I have been listening in on 2 OA meetings a day, Monday thru Friday.  Wow there are some whiny, woe is me, people.  People who blame the world for all their problems.  While I do blame my mother for some of my behaviors due to her insanity, I know that I am responsible for my issues.  I have to listen in while I am working so I don't think I am getting the best benefit.  I will keep trying.

I have been getting more spiritual study in this last week I hope to continue that.

Update on my cross stitch projects.  My mason jars is much more complicated than I thought it would be.  It is time to put it down and switch to my Save the Stitches project.  After that I am going to switch to the fox pattern I am doing for my niece.  It is calling my name.  No pictures today.

Thursday, June 25, 2015

June 25 Stitch from Stash update

My Stitch from Stash June totals are:
Spent 9.89 for the booklet Woodland Babies
Earned 4.00 for Block 6 of Save the Stitches.

Here are the pictures.  The way the picture came out on Block 6 it looks like it is getting narrower but it really isn't.  Almost time to start block 7.

This is my new project I started in the middle of June.  It is called Mason Jar Lineup.  It will be for my kitchen when I am done.  I found the frame for it at Goodwill.
This is the project I am going to work on at work.  It is from the booklet Woodland Babies.  My niece asked for a fox so I am going to try to work on this in any spare time I have.  lol

Onto other things.  I had a fairly good food day yesterday.  I am always famished at suppertime so I eat way too much.  Last night it was basically just a bowl of lettuce but it was way too much.  I did make my goal to do a little spiritual studying before starting to work on my cross stitch.  That was a good accomplishment for me.  Working on the spiritual is a big part of OA.

Today I am grateful for all the people in my life.

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

June 24 2015

My weigh in yesterday showed a gain of .02.  So not too bad. 

I remembered to listen in on the OA phone call this morning.  In the "Voices of Recovery" reading there was the sentence, I am different from a normal eater.  So true.  My portions are just way too big when I do attempt to eat "normal".  I have a lot of work to do.  But as the last sentence of the reading said, Today I can rest easy in the fact that I am not alone. 

I did some spiritual studying last night and then I was going to stitch but I was too tired.  I love to sit and cross stitch but I think I have to get in the mind set of doing the spiritual first.   I should do a little spiritual every evening. 

OA's For Today: Do I sabotage myself...
                                  I am willing to examine old ways of thinking.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

June 23 2015

It is Tuesday.  I am going to weigh in at WW today.  Last week I was down a total of 8 lbs.  Lost 2 of them that week.  One pound was probably due to my clothes.  It is hot here and I switched from jeans to capri pants.  I had a bad week so I expect to gain.  I don't know what is wrong in my head that makes me sabotage myself.  I can even tell when I am doing it and I don't stop.  According to OA I am not giving it up to my higher power.  This is very true.  I don't rely or trust anyone.  I put that blame on my mother for her insanity when I was a child and never knowing when the hammer was going to fall or how many times a day it would fall.

I spoke with my sister last night because she struggles with food issues and depression as I do.  I mentioned that as I get older I see myself becoming more like mother is now.  Just sitting and doing nothing.  I just read or cross stitch.  I am even finding it hard to pay bills and balance the check book.  Things that use to bring me pleasure.  (I know kind of weird too)  But one of the things I wanted to mention to my sister today was that sitting still I think has a lot to do with the pain.  Mother, me and my sister are in a lot of pain.  Arthritis pain is a big part.  But I wonder if we don't have a chronic pain syndrome of some sorts too.

Another thought that I wanted to express to my sister was heritage.  Our grandmother and her brother were skinny people.  But their 4 or 5 sisters were short and rotund.  Roly poly.  We are built exactly like them.  I believe mother was a compulsive eater too.  She was a very heavy smoker so she did that more than eat but she would get up in the middle of the night and snack.  Dad use to tease her about it.  But she never gained weight.  So while she criticized us for being overweight she had the same behavior. She was just lucky about her size.

OA's For Today - says A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a Hercules.
This tells me that we should attempt to put a small daily task into our routine.  One step at a time as they say.

I have lost my spiritual path too.  I haven't lost my faith, I just don't read and study the Bible like I use too.  A couple weeks ago I started listing to the Bible study meeting and the Sunday worship on the phone.  This last Sunday I managed to get out and go to Sunday worship.  It is so blasted hot/humid here that I avoid going outside as much as possible.  When I lived in the Midwest, I sat outside all the time and enjoyed life.  I digress, my point is I am trying to find my spiritual path again.  I had much happiness when I was on that path. 

Can't put too many new things into one day or week or it will overwhelm me and my brain will shut me and my body down.

Thank you for visiting my blog.